A positive pregnancy test, the parents-to-be can hardly believe their luck. The joy of the new addition to the family is gladly shared with family and friends. But unfortunately not all pregnancies end happily. The unhappy circumstances surrounding the deceased child are often as individual as life itself.
The grief over the painful loss is very deep, especially for the parents. For the parents, a world collapses. For they have already built up an intimate relationship with their unborn child during pregnancy. Relatives and friends are often at a loss as to how they can help the parents of star children through this difficult time of grief.
What are star children?
When children die in the womb or during or shortly after birth, they are called star children. Other names are angel children, silent miracles or butterfly children. These poetic names are meant to give a little comfort.
The name comes from the idea that star children will forever be children of heaven. Even though they will never set foot on the ground with their delicate feet or see the light of day, they will shine brightly up there in the sky as a star.
Unfortunately, star children are more common than one might think: around 700,000 babies are born in Germany every year. They are joined by around 90,000 to 180,000 star children. Although there are so many parents of star children, the topic has been considered a taboo subject in society for generations. Only gradually is a culture of appreciation and remembrance establishing itself through initiatives such as the association Herzenssache - Nähen für Sternchen und Frühchen e.V.. MyBabyposter supports the association and donates 50% of every starlet poster sold.
Family and friends of star parents often do not know how to sensitively and reverently share their feelings about the death of the child with the parents. Sometimes this leads to well-intentioned but misplaced statements. Behind such reactions is the fear of saying the wrong thing.
For star parents, however, this is hurtful. In the following, we share examples of how to give comfort sensitively.
Because it is actually quite simple: parents are grieving for their child. They need comfort and support in times of grief and help to create a memory for the star child.
Offer support to Star Parents
Depending on the individual family constellation, there are various ways in which one can offer support to the grieving parents. For example, one can offer to take care of children if there are already children in the family. This not only provides distraction for the star siblings, but also gives the star parents some freedom. Weekly shopping can also be done or the family can be provided with pre-cooked meals.
Create keepsakes for star children
When a child is born, the new parents are inundated with gifts and congratulations. This is different with the birth of a star child, because there the birth also marks death at the same time. Nevertheless, carefully chosen gifts can be presented to the star parents and thus the star child can be remembered and its memory created.
A suitable gift for star parents is a weatherproof toy that can be placed on the grave of the star child. Alternatively, the memory of the Star Child can be kept alive with a Star Child poster. On the Starchild poster, you can choose from a variety of motifs, choose a suitable background and customise a name and a saying or one or more dates for the Starchild.
We have dealt with other keepsakes for star children in another blog post.
In society, it is customary to offer condolences to a person who has lost a partner or a parent. This is a way of acknowledging the suffering that the bereaved person is going through.
The parents of star children are also going through unspeakable suffering and should definitely be condoled with. This can take place in person or in a condolence card for the star child.
Those who do not know how to express their condolences for star children can write it exactly like this "I am at a loss for words for the suffering you are enduring".
In addition, you can express your sympathy with an emotional and reverent saying. We have collected a few particularly beautiful examples:
Great compassion through small words: 11 short sayings for star children
Like all parents, the parents of star children also want to take their baby home with them after birth. They have lovingly decorated the nursery and imagined how their child will grow up there. However, the nursery remains empty after the birth of a star child, their child does not come home and will not grow up there.
This makes it all the more important for the parents of star children to dedicate a place in their home for their star child, outside the memories and hearts of the parents, also visible to family and friends. A reverent keepsake and everlasting reminder of the beloved star child is offered by the Star Child Poster.
Star parents can choose between different lovingly designed motifs to represent their star child and can individually decide whether the poster should contain one or more dates and whether a name should be added.
MyBabyposter supports the association Herzenssache, which has created a place of remembrance for star children: the Wandlitz/OT Schönwalde cemetery. It is adorned with memorial stones and a tree of silence that invites relatives of star children to linger and offers space for mourning and remembrance. 50% of the proceeds from the Star Child posters benefit the association.
